I pay people to make me uncomfortable –and I love it

No it's not a weird sex thing. 

I've paid thousands of pounds to people over the years because I know they are going to make me uncomfortable. I've travelled hundreds of miles for the privilege too. 

I've paid them to point out my faults. 

I've paid them to touch my raw nerves. 

I've paid them to call me on my BS (You know, the stuff you REALLY don't like being talked about in a public arena? )

I've paid people who have inflicted physical pain on me (I'm talking sports massage and physio here). 

Why? 

The stuff that hurts is the stuff that's holding you back. 

If a muscle is knotted then that's the bit that needs the pressure. My sports massage therapist could say, "oh that hurts? I'll just skip that bit then" and then just focus on the less painful parts. I might like her better for it and I'd walk away saying "that was nice" but would it solve the problem? I could pay her every month for years to make me feel a bit better about a problem she could get rid of in one session. 

Where the pain lies the problem lies and addressing it is the only way to get better. The same applies to non-physical problems. 

I admit I don't like it at the time, it doesn’t feel pleasant at all. I'm probably not very thankful at the time either. Someone who pokes your raw nerves isn't going to be your favourite person in that moment. But if it's done with permission, with positive intent and skill I will always go back. Afterwards, it feels amazing. Where you once felt trapped, fearful or lost you feel empowered and hopeful. 

Discomfort = growth

I've learnt to associate that uncomfortable feeling with growth. Thinking about it, all the really big breakthroughs in my life have come from working through the pain. A short period of discomfort is worth the long term benefits of being free of the problem. 

As I sat last week on the bean bag in my office, I could feel myself physically squirming. My coach suggested an activity I didn't like the sound of.  She asked me questions I didn't want to answer. She pointed out stuff I didn't want to admit. The dialogue in my head was the stuff of a rebellious teenager. Hearing my own thoughts at that time made me feel like someone with an attitude problem. "Screw that I'm not doing it" or "I'll go through the motions so she'll get off my back". 

That's when I know it's time push on. If I'm squirming I'm learning. If I allow myself to be uncomfortable I know I'll be off better for it. 

How do I do it? 

Lots of people surround themselves with those who positively reinforce them all the time. They tend to cut out of their lives those who make them nervous. It's great to have a support network but friends and family have a lot to lose by upsetting you. Most of them won't be honest enough with you to help you grow. 

You know those people you avoid because they are a bit too honest? They might not make great drinking buddies but they make fantastic mentors. Maybe you should seek them out? 

• Notice when you are physically uncomfortable
• Who do you avoid? 
• What topics do you avoid? 
• What questions do you not want to answer? 

If you want to grow, find these and then run towards them head first. 

Do you lean towards or away from discomfort? Let us know on the Facebook page.